Today I am going to enact all recommendations from every government department and health organization.
Got up at sparrows and went for a 30 minute walk on the beach. Unfortunately some little hooligan dented my Alfa while I was away. Am awash with feelings of rage.
Remember that for the sake of my blood pressure I am supposed to keep calm.
Get home and book appointment at the doctors for a diabetes and blood pressure test. The nurse tells me not to eat anything until my 4pm appointment, including coffee.
Decide to catch the bus to Woolworths, as public transport is supposed to help the green house effect.
Buy my three days worth of food and San Pellengreno. Discover that catching the Bus with three days worth of emergency mineral water is not fun.
Get home, stash supplies and blu-tack every thing down in case of an earth quake.
Start to get a coffee withdrawal headache.
Call my bank to organize a superannuation fund. Am put on hold for too long and decide to wing it when I retire.
Start to get really grumpy from hunger - but cannot eat because of my doctors appointment.
Check the house for hazards. Find some DDT from 1967 in the laundry, I'm not sure what to do with it so I put it back and pretend it's not there.
Decide that taxis are practically public transport and call one to take me into town.
Buy smoke alarms, compost bin and exercycle. Also buy battery powered radio, candles and water purification tablets. Finally I buy multi-vitamins, non-slip mat for the shower and a year's supply of sunscreen.
Realise I should have driven to town.
Go to Doctors for tests - pleased to find that I do not have diabetes and my blood pressure is normal.
Practically ran to a café for a flat white. The coffee headache recedes.
Get a call on my cellphone, it's work wondering where I am. Remember that I have a day job. Ignore insults.
Catch taxi-van home and stash my purchases.
Retire to the bathroom for a bath and a self exam. Don't find any lumps. Phone rings while I am blow drying my hair - ignored it.
Check messages, it's my day job again. Delete the message.
Make a heart foundation healthy dinner.
Eat dinner and wonder why I bothered. Resolve to ignore all recommendations in future.